I have been thinking a lot lately on what I want my blog to portray. Yes, I want it to be colorful. Yes, I want it to be happy. Yes, I want it to be inspirational. While all of these are great, they are more or less very surface. There are things I contemplate and struggle with on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes it can be as little as being late to work because my train was delayed. Other times it can be heavier. The great thing about blogs is that it brings people together through different facets of life – happy, sad, and confusing times. So I want to kick off a new chapter of Doughnut Diaries where things get a little more “real” and I discuss topics that provoke thought and emotion in my head. So until I come up with a more original topic, I'm going to call it "Feels" for now.
For this first iteration of, Feels, I want to talk about something everyone deals with and that is image - specifically on social media. Having a blog for me means putting pictures of myself up that show the best most perfect side of my body and style. In other words, photos that are staged as fuck. While staging photos and coming up with the idea is fun, it can also be incredibly stressful. There have been so many times where I have an image in my head of how something should look and then the second I see how it actually turned out I'm very disappointed - I know I'm not alone here! I cannot even begin to explain how many times it usually takes to get a photo "right" according to "Grace's standard". I'll get so caught up with a specific idea that I just can't see beyond the flaws and end up hating all the photos taken, sometimes even busting out into a mini tantrum and throwing my hands up and just being like, "IM DONE. I HATE EVERYTHING." Tyler is left just staring at me with these, "I'm so confused. What do you see that I don't?" eyes. And what I see is usually a combination of the below:
- my hair is covering up my neck therefore i have no neck
- i have a hunchback
- i have a gut
- my smile looks weird/teeth appear too crooked
- i don't look cute enough
- ok now i look too cute and not "cool"
- the staged photo doesn't look candid
- i look creepy
- OMG WIND IS FUCKING UP MY HAIR
- is that bald spot? AM I GOING BALD
- ew, my arms look fat.
- ok, i swear this outfit looked cute when i put it together
- WHY DO I NOT LOOK LIKE HOW I LOOKED WHEN I LEFT THE APT.
Crazy enough for you?? The list could go on and on and ON. I'm continuously so focused on the negative that I tend to overlook good aspects of the photo and about myself. In fact, I've noticed that when I walk away from the camera for a second and go back to look at the photos, the ones I hated during the process end up being ones that I like! Please, someone, go and analyze that.
Social media is a funny thing. Whenever I see pictures of other bloggers on Instagram, I can't help but wonder if they go through the same mental process to the extent that I do. If they don't, I'm incredibly jealous and please tell me your secrets!! But if they do, I would love for a more open dialogue of these feelings. One blogger I admire so much is ColorMeCourtney. She does these amazing BTS/Bloopers on her IG Stories that show the not so glam side of the cute-ass photo she posted. It's a breath of fresh air because it is a reminder no one is perfect. Social media is wonderful and I love everything about it. But what people forget is that for the most part it is incredibly fake. No one wants to post "REAL-LIFE" photos because real-life isn't always "happy-go-lucky-look-how-perfect-my-outfit-is-and-im-going-to-eat-this-perfect-doughnut". I'm 100000% guilty of this and feed into the fakeness Instagram fuels all the time. It's fun to show off the pretty side of life and I think by now most people are aware that this isn't always "real". But a reminder here and there doesn't hurt. :)
SO to tie it all back, when you see a beautiful picture of a guy/girl on a platform like Instagram - pause and think about how long it took to actually capture that picture. It could have been a one and done situation, but more or less, it took at LEAST 10 tries to get it right.
And in honor of being real, here are some BTS bloopers (NO FILTER) of pics where I for the most part look ridiculous because EVERYONE takes bad photos. Enjoy and have a laugh :)